It’s been a while

since i’ve last talked with you my son.  lots of things have changed in the past two months.  your mother and i agreed, to the very day of our 15th anniversary of meeting each other, on our separation agreement.  we are legally no longer together.  i’m so sorry my son.  i tried everything to make it not so but your mother would not.  she wouldn’t agree to go to one joint counseling session.  nothing.  i’m sorry for you my son.  i truly am.

i’m so proud of you for your good behavior at your karate lessons and i’m so happy that you are able to have some sleepovers with your friends!  🙂  that is really fun!  

so much more, my son, to say.  i want you to know me during this time of our lives and this is the only way.  i’m sorry it has to be like this.  it’s pretty shitty for both of us.  

i miss you every day.  i have your picture framed on my desk in my room and on my phone, i see your face all the time.  i’m sorry that i don’t call more often.  it’s very difficult for me to hear you and your mother talking and hearing my family while i’m cast out from my family.  i’m working very diligently to gain more control over those emotional responses and focus on the positive interactions that you have with me. 

i wish i could have been there for your first day of kindergarten.  i wish i would have been there for your first karate class and all the “first” things i’m going to miss in your life.  

i love you Alexander.  i will see you soon, my son, but not soon enough.  

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