The conventional wisdom among the elite is still that the current slump “cannot be as bad as the Great Depression.” This view is wrong. What we face now could, in fact, be worse than the Great Depression—because the world is now so much more interconnected and because the banking sector is now so big. We face a synchronized downturn in almost all countries, a weakening of confidence among individuals and firms, and major problems for government finances.
23 Jul 2012 2 Comments
To be clear: The issue for the MTF transsexual isn’t that we are a culturally constructed woman trapped in the physical body of a man; rather, a MTF transsexual’s subjective experience of their physical sex is female. When I assert that my subjective experience of my body has been always female, I mean exactly that. I only acquired a pervasive horror about my body shape when I learned around the age of 5 that my body shape was different from other girls. That particular horror is called dysphoria… as in, Gender Dysphoria. My issue wasn’t that I wanted to necessarily wear certain clothes or act a certain way; of course I wanted to be treated and identified as any other little girl in my culture, but my dysphoria wasn’t primarily situated around this secondary issue. I went to bed praying to have a god fix my body or allow me to die in my sleep not because my gender identity and expression wasn’t feminine; I began praying to die around the age of 5 because my body betrayed me.
03 Jul 2012 2 Comments
i tried in Feb this year when it became clear that the relationship with my wife was ending. she swore her vows and made her pledges and still walked away from me during the lowest point of my life. just packed up her things and my son and drove away leaving me without a home to stay in or any reasonable means to acquire a living place for me and my son to visit.
she took my little boy from me after promising that she would never, ever, do it. she swore she would follow me to the ends of the universe and beyond and be with me forever…and she left.
i still want to die. to not live this horrible and painful life. the one bright point of light in my whole life walked away from me and left me to the darkness once again. i never broke a promise to her and i never hurt her in any way, i was a good spouse. sure, i have my flaws and my problems…maybe more than most but i have a generous heart, a kind spirit and loving disposition.
i’ll never understand why it had to be this way. i’ve been crying for nearly 280 straight days now, ever since she first told me she was leaving me in Sept 2011. our 13 year wedding anniversary is coming up and that will be the last one. our divorce will be final before our 14 year one. we’ve been together for 15 years, more than a quarter of our lives together and, in the end, i was cast aside as so much broken, used garbage.
i’m horribly sad and depressed and i wish my friends hadn’t called the police, i wish they had just let me die. i do have some unfinished business to attend to and after that i can’t see any reason to fight any longer….i don’t want to die but we all do anyway.
now i’m sleeping on an air mattress in a city across the country relying upon the kindness of friends to survive.
i hate my life and what has become of it.
i wrote the above in April of this year. i am now living in a different city and sleeping on a bed. funny thing that, this is the first bed that i’ve ever owned as an adult. i’ve owed one with someone else but never one of my own…strange.
i don’t feel like i want to die everyday now, only whenever i get done talking to them on the phone…i just can’t process it all and so i break down crying and sobbing for hours.
i can’t believe things just got so fucked up.
01 Jul 2012 Leave a comment
“Take care of yourself. Divorcing a narcissist with children in the mix means that for some years you will not be able to completely sever ties with this person. Dealing with them can be exhausting and stressful. Commit to self-care to bring yourself some relief. Your martyrdom will not help your children.”