Letter to my son pt 1.

one of the things i promised myself is that i would write this blog so that, one day, my son would know me aside from all the things which he’d grown up being told or thinking.  i wanted, as much as i was able, to explain myself.  to explain what happened from my view of life…mostly i wanted him to get to know me, to continue knowing me, and this is how.  i don’t feel comfortable writing to him since he can’t read and that means the ex will read it.  i have trouble calling since she listens to all our conversation and he feels inhibited talking with me in that scenario.

Hello Alexander,

May, 9, 2012

i miss you my son.  none of what has happened between your mother and i has anything to do with you.  we both love you and want what is best for you.

i missed many things in your life already; the new school, the new friends and girl friend that mom says you have.  i’m sorry that i wasn’t there to help you when you fell and skinned your knees.  i was very proud that you pulled the band aid off all by yourself!  sometimes even adults don’t want to do that .

my told me the funny thing you said when she asked you about the girl friend from the old school and you told her that they didn’t know about each other so it was ok.  i hope you’re making lots of art in class and at home.

i’ll write more as i’m able.

i miss you my darling boy.

~mommy jae

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