I lie here with tears

I dream every night…every time i sleep, of her and my son.  usually, there is some tremendous calamity which has befallen the area (hurricanes seem to feature most often) and they get swept away from me and i call out for them but there is no answer.  I search throughout the dream land for them and often see them, oblivious to me and my presence.  I feel like Patrick Swayze in Ghost… unknown and unseen but present.

My son doesn’t want to talk with me and asks mom to do so and she just hangs up on me.  I know he’s taking his ques from her and that it’s effecting him and the way that he interacts with me.

I’m ashamed that this is how our relationship ends.  Our 13 year anniversary will happen on May 1 and we’ll have been together for 16 years before the divorce is finalized.  I never hid any of the things bothering me from her though i didn’t know how to properly articulate them nor did i appreciate the depth to which they effected me and, i suppose, her as well.

I’ve never trusted any human in my life as much as i trusted her, i didn’t believe in love at first sight until i met her and i have never known such pain and agony at the loss of a relationship.

I miss her.  I miss my son.  I want to go back home and live with my family again and help take care of them, support and encourage them… just like i always have.  I fear it shall be forever denied me.



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carolina Courtland
    Apr 24, 2012 @ 09:28:36

    Sorry you’re so upset. : (

    I was wondering, would you be interested in helping The Pink Agendist, myself and others out with
    a new website to help bullied gay, trans and lesbian teens?

    Details on this page: http://pinkagendist.wordpress.com/


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Wicked Wonderland Empire

Life and times of a Buddhist trans woman.

Dizzy yet?

I know I am...


through the darkness there is light


It's like The Matrix — only without body harvesting and bullet time. Its ubiquity makes it almost invisible. Almost. We can see it, and we will explain what it looks like.

The Pink Agendist

by E.B. de Mas, reachable at: pink.agendist@yahoo.com

Staked in the Heart

Not A Safe Space

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